Einstein’s1 definition of insanity: doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
My definition of insanity: seeing women trapped in your ugly ass wallpaper.
I’m not seeing things in the wallpaper (yet) but I am doing some things over and over again and expecting different results. Actually, at this point I’m not even expecting different results. I’m kind of apathetic about the results. I’m just doing the same things over and over out of habit and then when the results occur as expected I’m going oh, hey results, wazzupppppp.
Anyway, I thought it might be a good exercise to put in writing what these things are in an attempt to stop doing them and thus encourage different and theoretically better results.
1. Putting various products in my hair
A secret about me is that I have curly hair2.
Unfortunately I have zero idea how to take care of it because nobody else in my family and possibly the internet has hair like mine: fine, but dense, with weird flat bits on the top and a Hermoine Granger-esque tendencey to triangulate. It frizzes bad but any product I put it in weighs it down into a limp, greasy mess. My best results (see left) come from a simple shampoo and air dry situation, with MAYBE a little oil to tame frizz. And yet! I continue to fall for various gels, creams, mousses, and leave-ins that promise definition, bounce, shine, etc.
I am never defined, bouncy, or shiny. A lesson must be learned.
2. Getting ready for bed when I’m tired
I do not like to get ready for bed if I am at a 7+ in terms of how tired I am3. If I am over a 7, I tend to be lazy about getting ready and skip steps such as skincare, flossing, etc. I also am way more likely to scroll on my phone than read for nonsensical reasons.
Perhaps most horrifically, I am WAY more likely to lie down in bed before getting ready for bed, which just increases my level of exhaustion and also results in even more time passing before I am actually in bed and ready to sleep. I did this last night and was so pissed off by the time I got into bed about how tired I was that it wasn’t even ENJOYABLE!!!! SINFUL!!!!
What I really need to do is get ready for bed after dinner before I do things like go on my computer, watch TV, work, etc.
3. Not having my next book lined up
The cycle looks like this:
I need to either download a second book in tandem with the first or download a second when I hit the halfway mark on my current book. Or just keep a legitimate TBR somewhere instead of just manically scrolling on Goodreads and waiting for a good book to drop into my lap. Or just download six or seven of those TBR books onto my Kindle already.
There are actually lots of solutions to these problems, and yet I’ve failed to take advantage of any of them.
4. Waiting for inspiration to strike
When I was an undergrad I had a professor who told me that writing is not like thunderstorms and ideas will not strike like lightning. Writing does not occur (for most people) in wild, incessant outpourings (or downpours). Writing is like going to the gym: it is boring, and you don’t always want to do it, but the only way to get strong is through discipline.
Despite this stellar advice, I am constantly lounging around in bed waiting for inspiration to walk up and smack me in the face. Inertia keeps me under the covers. Inspiration does not come. I read instead (productive procrastination) and my muscles atrophy.
5. Not packing snacks
One thing about me is that I am a hungry girl. I have never understood people who can just “forget” to eat or go without breakfast. If I do not eat at regular intervals, I get hangry. And I do not mean this in a cute way. I mean am a raging b*tch. I have a hard time focusing and reading complex sentences. I freak out over small things. I have met very few people who react as poorly to hunger as I do. I used to think this meant there was something wrong with me. Now I realize I just need to eat every few hours.
When I’m at home and in a stable routine, this is usually doable. But if I’m not at home or have a spontaneous change that means skipping a normal meal, I need to have a snack. And I am constantly forgetting to bring a snack. Like girl it is as easy as throwing a protein bar into my bag or keeping a bag of chips in my car and yet…
6. Going more than 3 days in a row without exercise
Ok, fine, fine, I admit it — moving my body does make me feel better. I am usually very good at getting myself to the gym, but I tend to be kind of all-or-nothing, especially when I’m out of my normal routine. At home, I go to the gym or go for a run basically every day. When I’m on vacation or traveling, though, I tend to throw it all out the window, which always makes me feel… bad.
Part of this is because my mental vision of vacation is that it needs to be RELAXING and CALM and CHILL and that means lying on the couch all day, and so I convince myself that I need to lie on the couch all day, but actually I hate lying on the couch all day and I do not feel relaxed or calm or chill but insisted restless and sort of feral and in fact I would be much more relaxed if I just went for a little jog or did yoga or moved my body literally AT ALL at one point during the day.
7. Badly f***ing up my hands/feet
Okay this one is a) gross and b) vulnerable, so bear with me4… I have a TERRIBLE habit of picking at my nails/cuticles/calluses etc. I used to bite my nails but grew out of that when someone told me it’s really bad for your teeth, and I realized it’s gross to stick your hands in your mouth all the time. Somehow it is NOT gross to me to peel your nails off and leave little cuticle flakes on the ground, so that’s what I do instead. It is literally just a unconscious habit at this point, especially when I’m especially locked in while reading something. At my desk today I looked down and I had literally torn a hole into my callus while reading about Silvio Berlusconi. If I’m home and have my socks off I will also destroy the calluses on my feet/toes.
I actually don’t know how to solve this one. Someone online said you should have a rubber band on your wrist and snap it every time you catch yourself picking at your hands, but I feel like I’d look like even more of a freak if I was constantly snapping a rubber band on my wrist and had like a giant red welt from it.
8. Hostage negotiating my way out of my phone addiction
The world does nOT need yet another f*cking essay about how phones are bad and we need to get off of them, so I won’t write that essay, but I will admit that my phone is bad and I need to get off it.
Unfortunately I keep attempting peaceful de-escalation strategies like setting easily-overidden time limits or convincing myself I’ll “scroll at the gym only.” I am, in other words, negotiating with a terrorist (the apple ecosystem), when the only thing that has actually, successfully worked for me is to delete the f*cking apps.
Anyway, that’s all the things I do that I shouldn’t. Will I stop anytime soon? Who knows! Let me know your bad habits and how you’re solving them!
When I looked this up to confirm the wording of the quote, Google AI informed me that Einstein did not, in fact, say this. I kicked myself (metaphorically) for immediately trusting Google AI, made a mental note to get off Google or turn off the AI (possible???) and then scrolled down and confirmed this on an ELI5 reddit thread.
Do NOT ask me what kind of curls or what porosity or whatever. Part of the problem is that I DON’T KNOW!!!!
A level 1 is ‘could run a few miles, read something complicated, and babysit a child’. A level 5 is ‘yawning when other people yawn, long blinks, need a second coffee’ and a level 10 is ‘can’t finish a sentence at the sleep over’
Probably the funniest joke I’ve ever made in my life is when someone said this and I said “what, where???” and then growled like a bear. I’m telling you this to offset the embarrassment I feel and also so that all you loyal footnote readers are rewarded for your loyalty to my feet!
Your natural hair is so gorg!! Sometimes a simple shampoo and condish moment really does create the best hair day, but not often for me—you are luckyyyy